Thank You, Hillary

By Jeff Dickson; Daily - University of Washington, WA

Dear Hillary,

As a conservative student and proud supporter of the honorable Sen. John McCain, I want to thank you for your continued actions that do nothing but hinder your party’s chances in November.

Your short-lived run at success almost proved worthwhile — almost. As if Sen. Barack Obama hadn’t all but secured the nomination weeks ago, the recent primaries in North Carolina and Indiana allowed even your strongest supporters to let go of their last shred of hope.

But not you. You continue to press on with a relentless persistence that makes Al Gore’s Florida recount attempts seem half-hearted by comparison. Even when the rest of your fellow Democrats beg and plead for your withdrawal from the race, you ignore the opportunity to bow out with dignity.

From our point of view, your continued involvement is welcomed with open arms. Please, continue to throw mud in Obama’s face and point out his personal flaws and professional inadequacies. You’re simply saving conservatives the time and effort. Instead, we can save the valuable funds until later in the race, when we will win over your voters by touting McCain’s experience and revealing Obama’s naïvety.

As long as you continue to raise questions about Obama’s character (by referencing Rev. Jeremiah Wright, for example), you help our efforts in several ways. It keeps such issues in the headlines and voters’ minds without our campaign having to stoop to such levels, which, in turn, makes our campaign cleaner and more appealing. Then, Obama attacks you and the rest of the Clinton campaign instead of the McCain Train. Basically, you still come across as the bad person and we reap all the benefits.

Obviously, the chance for you to save face passed long ago, and by now your chance to join on as Obama’s vice presidential nominee is slowly disappearing. At one point, your name along with his on the ticket would have been a powerhouse combination that would have posed quite a threat to the elephants. But now that you’ve all but blown your chance at becoming the first female vice president in history, it is Bill Richardson that we need to be weary of.

The only exciting aspect of your campaign that remains is to see exactly how you are forced out of the race to make you quit, or will you deliver a remorseful concession speech via satellite from a shack in Arkansas that will mark the beginning of a two-year long hiatus from the real world? Personally, my money is on a chorus of Howard Dean-like “Will it really take nothing short of a cerebral aneurismbeyahs” highlighting a very public meltdown, potentially while arguing with Dean himself.

In short, your vain efforts have given the Republican Party a very real chance in an election that, from the start, seemed to be a virtual shoe-in for the Democrats. You continue to shoot down your party’s efforts while simultaneously aiding our own, and for that, all red-blooded Republicans offer you their sincerest thanks.

Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

The Republican Party

***** Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!